In the loving memory of my mum

Is been a week today since you've left us to go to heaven and I miss you more than ever.The past 2 weeks have passed so quick and my heart hurts every time I think of your last moments. I was glad that you went because I couldn't bear to see you in so much pain but at the same time I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart.I never felt such anger and sadness in my life. I was angry that you didn't want to fight anymore and that you ended up in a horrible hospital without us being there for you.The guilt I feel is beyond words and hope you can forgive me for not knowing better.I am so upset that you didn't get the chance to meet Mason but I will make sure he knows all about you. I brought your ashes with me so you'll never be alone anymore. 

Words are beyond my ability to express the pain I feel but I hope that you can see us and look over us.

I keep trying to ring you like I always used to so you can tell me the latest gossip and moan about the heat, the weather, the car who played with dead mice in your garden... But you are not at the end if the phone anymore :( 

I hope one day I will be able to find peace with myself and be happy again and I hope you found peace where you are.

I love you forever.Rest in peace my beautiful Mum xxx

Letter to my mum

Dear mum,

I want to say that I am so proud to be your daughter and so happy I was able to share the best moments with you. I love you so much and I hope you forgive me for the sleepless nights you had when I was a baby and for each time I upset you. You are my best friend and will always be. You teached me everything, you made me the person I am now and for that I thank you. 

I know you didn't have an easy life and you had some bad things happen to you but I hope the happy memories will be the ones you have in your mind when you go to heaven.

I wish things would have been different and I wish I would have known the pain you were in. I wish I could have been there to wipe your tears whenever you cried and to support you whenever you were down.

You are a beautiful woman and always have been so I will make sure you stay beautiful. 

I will make sure you will never be alone anymore.

I will make sure your grandchild knows how much you loved him and wanted to meet him.

I love you forever!!